The Hollywood movie model of dating consists of two individuals tumbling into bed, into love, and then into marriage. The Bollywood version would be tumbling in the sand, then into love, and then into marriage. Which ever one works for you, the fact remains that a good amount of physical tumbling is permitted before you fall in love. Yet after a lifetime of not being able to find Mr.Right, I’ve discovered that tumbling before you know what you’re getting yourself into only leads to becoming attached to the wrong guy.
Have you ever looked back at your dating roster and thought to yourself? What was I thinking? That’s the story of my life. Yet I am not alone in my poor choices, when I look at some of the dysfunctional dating relationships around me, I have to ask, â€œHow are people so incompatible, so together?â€ The answer to me is very simple, they took the tumble, the hormonal bond. I can’t speak for guys, but for women, physical connection can throw all sense of rationality out the window. We start compromising, forgetting all the things we didn’t like in the other person, etc. All of the above just causes a pattern of wasting, weeks, months, and even sometimes years with Mr. Wrong.
Finding Mr. Right. I think I have read every magazine article on this topic since I was 15, and I tried to absorb the information and implement it, but I really didn’t get it until now. When we are young, we really think we are invincible. We do a lot of stupid and sometimes dangerous things and our stupidity transcends in our care of our other most important life…our love life. In the same respect that we think we are invincible and can not look ahead to our future in some of the risky things we do, we also don’t seem to be looking ahead to who would be the perfect candidate to build a life with in a long term committed relationship. I say “we” a lot, but really I’m just talking about myself, I guess I feel some comfort thinking I’m not the only idiot.
The 9 Date Rule. One of my best female friends is close friends with a very womanizing plastic surgeon.Â At a dinner party, he was sharing his latest exploits and made a passing comment that made my ears perk up. He said, “If she’s really hot, I’ll put up with her for a month and a half, but if she doesn’t put out after that – I’m out.” That’s when I deduced, to weed out the bad men you need to hold out for about 2 months. That time span can mean a lot of different things depending on distance etc, so I created the 9 date rule. In 9 dates, you have to test the man to see if he is there for you or “the nookie”, and if he meets the right criteria.
Through my research and experience, I have identified the key things you need to sense in a man to figure out if they’re worth you’re time before you bring in the physical part of your relationship.
Requirement 1: Attitudes about Communication and Affection
Guys who are too sensitive can be seriously high maintenance, but someone worth your future must be in tune with what is going on with you. If you think a man who positively approaches communication and affection doesn’t exist then you just have been dating the same WRONG guy over and over. Here is a hard reality, there are men that are sensitive, romantic, and honest and then there are men that have no idea how to express themselves, aren’t romantic, and are caught up in the male machismo. They all will be dated and they all will eventually have to be married. Which one you end up marrying is in your hands.
Requirement 2: Similar Goals for Future
You really need to find someone that wants the same things in life as you. Between the age of 16-28, it’s complicated, because we are always evolving and growing. Someone who used to party, over a few years, can become totally straight edge. We are constantly growing out of styles, people, and places. What you really need to do is tune out all the voices except your own and picture yourself in the future and acknowledge what scenario would make you the â€œhappiest youâ€. Do you want to raise a big family? Or do you want to invest more in yourself and your career? Do you want a relaxed life in the country with a white picket fence or a condo in NYC? You also need to be on the same time line. This is really important, so I’m going to say it again. You also need to be on the same time line. You both have to be ready for marriage, kids, etc at the same time or agree on a compromise that you can both live with. Don’t ever force a man into marriage when he’s not ready . You might get what you want in the short term but you are signing yourself up for a lifetime of dissatisfaction.
Requirement 3: Values and Spiritual Philosophy
Your values can evolve, but they usually don’t change. If you’re liberal, you’ll be happier with liberal. If you are traditional you will be happier with traditional. Opposites can work with a significant level of open mindedness, but when it comes down to raising your children, you’re going to want to pass down your values.
The question of inter-religious dating is one of the hottest topics in the desi dating arena. There is no definite right or wrong, it strictly depends on the person. Most religions teach good morals and values, but religious traditions and cultures are poles apart across the board. Depending on commitment to religion, compromise, open mindedness, family, and future expectations, it is a personal preference.
Requirement 4: Surfin on the Same Wave Length
Let me tell you, it is amazing to meet someone and just know there is something at the core of both of you that is coming from the same place. You get each other’s jokes and trains of thought. There is a sense of familiarity and comfort. I can’t explain it much further, but when you find it, you know. If you don’t feel this as soon as you meet someone and you still continue getting to know them, then you are doing yourself a disservice because you are giving up on that someone else out there that has a better chance at being “the one”. Yet, be careful , there are a lot of men out there who’s “game” is to find your wave length and mimic it, to give you a false sense of closeness. So take it slow,watch, and listen, and you’ll figure him out.
So what are we taking away from this? If you are legitimately interested in a guy for more than â€œtumblingâ€ purposes then before involving the chemicals and hormones find out all of the above. Come on ladies, hold out 2 dates before the first kiss and 9 dates before the “home run”, it won’t kill you! If a guy can’t wait that long, then you just got the first major clue that his priorities are wrong. After you find Mr.Right, please invite me to the wedding, the love guru definitely deserves at least a slice of cake! – NATASHA KHAN