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The Archives 2004-2020

The Love Guru: Interfaith and Losing Faith

Got a love, dating, relationship related question?
Get the guidance you seek from the all-knowing Love Guru.
Email loveguru@sapnamagazine.com

Dear Love Guru,
I’m a college student dating a Middle Eastern Muslim guy and I am Indian Hindu. I’ve dated A LOT of Indian Hindu guys, but none of them makes me as happy as he does. He makes me a better person, but I am scared of what my parents will do if they find out? What do I do?
Sincerely,
Star Crossed Lover, PA

Dear Star Crossed Lover,
You seem to be in a situation that a lot of 2nd generation young adults are finding themselves in. Before figuring out what to say to your parents, you need to figure out if this is really what you want. Marriage is more then sex and dating, there are bills, raising kids, families, etc etc. See if you think this person will be compatible in taking on all these obstacles with you. You need to find out how they want to raise their children, how they want to worship, how they want to interact with your family and their family. After all this soul searching, if you still think this is the person you want to be with, then tell you parents. Telling them will not be easy. I have seen parents cut off their children who married outside their wishes, but I have also seen parents who were momentarily disappointed, at first, but accepted out of love of their child. I think you know your parents the best, and you will know if they eventually will come around. Just understand that there is a responsibility attached to telling your parents about your “pre-marital relationship”, taking that big step means you have also committed yourself to this other person, so make sure you want to commit!

Dear Love Guru,
I have no game! I am 20 years old and I have never had a boyfriend or even kissed a boy! I mean I get different guys interested in me, but somehow I always find something wrong with them. What is wrong with me? I would like to have at least made out with a boy before I turn 21!
Sincerely,
Never Been Kissed, NY

Dear Never Been Kissed,
I understand where you are coming from, everywhere you look people are hooking up. You see it in movies, TV, parties, from your friends, maybe even your family. But don’t let societal trends or what other people are doing dictate what is right for you. I remember when I was 16, I thought my life would be over if I didn’t kiss a boy soon and in my rush I wasted my first kiss on someone not meaningful. Wait until it feels right for you and until then just live your life and do what makes you happy. That is the best “game” of all, guys love girls who have their own thang going on. Secondly, filter through your present standards and drop your superficial ones. I have a feeling you let a few diamonds in the rough slip through your hands, in your search for the obvious gold. Believe me, sometimes what you think you want is not what you need. I thought my current boyfriend of two and a half years was not my type (physically) at all, but then he finally kissed me, and the chemistry was through the roof. If someone has a great personality, give them a chance, because you never know.

Dear Love Guru,
My boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend is trying to cause drama. She sent me an email saying that I should know that my boyfriend still talked to her and visited her in another city for her birthday. I have a feeling it is a lie, because I have always encouraged him to talk to her and have a healthy friendship with her and he refused. Also, I have seen his incoming/outing calls and address book, he doesn’t even keep her number in his cell phone. To further invalidate her message, she ended it with petty cracks at my confidence. My gut feeling tells me she is lying, but what if she isn’t? How do I handle this he said/ she said situation?
Sincerely,
Don’t Mess with My Man, TX

Dear Don’t Mess with My Man,
Most times, I would tell the woman to take the other woman seriously. Because I have been in the position where I was “the other woman”. The girl trusted the guy over me and in the end she got played. But I think this situation is different, she obviously does not have good intentions, and so you need to look at the situation objectively. First recognize that women are highly territorial and your boyfriend was at one time this other woman’s property. It is always hard for women to deal with the fact that someone, that used to give them their undivided love and attention, can move on to someone else. I have this friend that dated her man for about 2.5 years, they started seeing other people then they finally just called it quits. She thought she was completely over him, she was actually dating another guy, then she found the new girlfriend’s profile on Friendster, she was traumatized for days. Its just a fact of life about ex’s. That being said, if she is immature enough, something could have set her off to write a malicious email to you.

But don’t let your boyfriend off the hook that easily. Women these days have to be careful, it’s better to be safe than sorry. Make sure you check the facts in a calm manner, but always give him the vibe, that he is innocent till proven guilty. You know your boyfriend better than me, so you can make a decision on what type of person he is and what he’s capable of. Check out his track record. Does he have a history of cheating? Have you caught him in a lie before? Is he a flirt?

If you decide to stand by your man or find evidence that the ex is lying, the best thing for you to do in this situation is to turn the other cheek and ignore her, I’m sure in normal circumstances this girl might have actually been a nice girl, but since you’re mixed up with her ex, you’re just going to get negativity out of her. So just ignore her comments, live your life, and hopefully one day she’ll realize her immaturity.

If you decide to believe the ex, ignore her petty comments in her email, and respond to her in a friendly and concerned manner (without telling your bf). Find out the cold hard facts and dates that you need to know and see which story comes out on top