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The Hook Up: She Explains the Desi Bad Boy

Since Romeo is hypothesizing on why women love bad boys, I was asked to take the idea and run with it by writing an article on why women shouldn’t date bad boys. Since I predominantly date Indian men, I wasn’t sure if I was qualified to write this article, then I realized that they specifically meant South Asian bad boys.

KAMA’S DISCLAIMER:

I want to warn my readers in advance that my personal belief is that a South Asian bad boy, like jumbo shrimp, tight slacks, and Microsoft works, is a bit oxymoronic. Men with manicured gotees, graduate degrees in sciences I didn’t know existed, or incriminating videos of participation from cultural shows past, seem far from what most other American’s would consider a bad boy. Further, I am yet to meet a desi girl that finds any appeal in a real bad boy whose occupation is gang affiliated or involves motorcycle mechanics.

So instead of preaching the obvious of why you shouldn’t be with a bad boy, I thought it more effective to just lay out exactly who these desi-fied versions of real bad boys are, and offer some personal dating experience. After that, you ladies can decide if you want to love it or leave it.

To most of us, an Indian bad boy is a bio-data filling Desi man, who has a vice that make him ‘bad’. These so called vices fall into one of these three categories:

THE SEX ADDICT. It sounds pretty good on the outside. He loves pleasure, which means he will love pleasuring you. What could be wrong with that? Unfortunately these men hold two records, their number of positions and their number of partners. The chance of having a monogamous relationship with a sex addict is less likely than finding Nelly rocking Bata Chapals.

WARNING SIGNS: He aggressively pursues you, he gets you wanting to have sex faster than any other relationship, and then he suggests a threesome. You get frightened until he tries to comfort you with the fact that he has had several threesomes in the past, that they are fantastic, and that one of those included your cousin.

I was blessed enough to have had a date this month with a sex addict. Luckily, I realized he was a sex addict before I got caught in his web. The dates went something like this: On our first date, he received a text message at 11 p.m. Jokingly I said, ‘it’s kind of early to be getting a booty call.’ He responded, ‘no its not, she’s forty -five, and her kids wake up early, so this is the best time.’ Disgusted yet slightly intrigued, and in hopes of finding my readers more insider information into the life of a sex addicted scumbag, I agreed to the second date. It wasn’t even ten minutes into the date that he mentioned that he had had meaningless sex the night before. Don’t worry, he said, it wasn’t with another ‘geriatrics patient,’ this one was younger, much younger. What a relief!?!

THE DRUGGY. This relationship seems perfect, because your dreamy druggy just loves having you around. Truth is he doesn’t even know you are around. A typical date usually involves watching endless hours of Harold and Kumar and eating dinner on the coffee table made of old pizza boxes. A druggy will most likely try to convince you he doesn’t have an addiction and use certain substances to do better on tests, get better sleep, or relax occasionally. By the time you realize that you’ll always come second to the drugs, you have gone up four pant sizes from all the late night munchies.

WARNING SIGNS: If after watching three hours of TV with him on his couch he looks over at you with a strange glance, it’s because he is desperately trying to remember your name and where he met you. If he begins to smirk, it’s because the limpness has started to go away and he believes he will now be able to get it up. This is a good thing, because after wasting all his parent’s money on drugs, it may be his only chance at feeding you.

I once dated a druggy who had a previous girlfriend continuously calling him. Then one day, I ran into her at the library, where she informed me that she too was his girlfriend. Well I was furious! I went over to his apartment, found him smoking on the couch and asked him who he thought he was. After he attempted to philosophically discuss what it means to be who you think you are, he realized that I was screaming expletives of four letters over his voice. When he finally realized I was talking about his ex, he informed me that he had forgotten to officially call her and break it off. The sad thing is, I believed him. Hopefully he also forgot about the five hundred dollar Tiffany’s necklace that I’m not returning.

THE BOOMERANG. He has a good arm, and this man can throw. He throws away our love, time, kindness, with sharp words or thoughtless actions. We believe that their must be something innately great in him that allows him to have this superiority complex. He treats us like trash, yet we find ourselves spending months trying to convince him that we are a catch. And then suddenly, he sways. For one splendid night, we think he has finally found our worth, until he wakes up the next morning, still drunk, and rushes out the door without leaving a note. Obviously a call is out of the question. And then you run into him, after weeks of desperately trying to go to the parties he attends, or restaurants that he frequents, and he ignores you. And the cycle continues.

WARNING SIGNS : He thinks your mom is a witch, believes that he’s God’s gift to the world and expects you to enjoy cleaning his house as it’s a privilege to be in his presence. He wants to spend as much time with you as he does with his neighbors cat and lovingly calls you ‘Hey’ on nice days.

Seeing as 90% of the men that I have dated fall into this category, I will assume that yours do as well. So please, insert your own horror story here.

So, why the infatuation with these so called ‘bad boys’? There are many theories of a woman’s desire to tame, or allow her motherly instincts to guide, but I have a different belief. It’s the concept of uniqueness. We are all desperately looking for the one guy that is different. The one that can offer us some sort of excitement that a parent won’t read on a bio data. Unfortunately, if you are enamored by the novel characteristics listed above, he’s one of a large group of desi boys that are out there to pleasure only themselves for the long run. These boys are neither unique, nor exciting.

So, heed my advice, Sapna’s advice, and even Romeo’s scenarios aren’t that far off this time, and stay far away from any boys that exhibit the aforementioned traits. – KAMA PANDIT

225 thoughts on “The Hook Up: She Explains the Desi Bad Boy

  1. Hmm 3rd one. I’m dealing with. It’s hard to identify cuz of those few min when he shows care. Makes every thing worth it. For long time I felt bad for him believed he was never loved. Hence he is like that n I want to show him the world of love. How big of a fool I was

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