When I got this month’s topic: “marriage material or spring fling”, I was pleasantly surprised they’d picked another issue that I am an expert on, because at this point in my life I’ve met about 99 girls who were good for a spring fling and maybe 1 who was marriage material, although since Aishwariya Rai never returned my calls I didn’t really get to fully evaluate the one I thought was marriage material.

Nevertheless, I asked some people who have experience being married about what qualities I should look for in a potential life partner. My dad said she should be nice, caring, loyal, obedient and always greet you when you come home. I wasn’t sure if he was talking about a wife or the family dog. So I asked my mom who said she should be tall, fair, have pretty features, be well educated and come from a good family. I think she was just reading every personal ad in the India Abroad though. So I thought about it some more myself and decided the one thing I’m really looking for is a girl who is loaded cause my goal in life is to marry rich.

Those were honestly all jokes. My dad didn’t actually compare my future wife to our dog. We don’t even have a dog. Anyway, the truth is the things that attract you to someone for a spring fling are similar to what attracts you to your future wife. However, clearly there are some qualities that your wife has that the spring fling lacks…

Wouldn’t Mind Sharing with Your Brother I have to admit, I have hooked up with a few girls that my brother or my close friends have also hooked up with, but not at the same time of course. If this happens and it doesn’t bother you, it’s a sign that you’re not really into the girl. A spring fling is like a trophy that you want all your friends to know you won and you wouldn’t even mind if they borrowed it to get a closer look.

Wanna Take Her Home to Mother Probably the first question you should ask when you’re getting serious with someone is whether you’d be happy bringing her home to your family. It’s important that she shares the same family values and has the same expectations of family that you do. A marriage material girl is a still a trophy in way that you’re proud to show her off to everybody, but this is one that you want all for yourself and would never dream of sharing. I promise to no longer refer to girls as trophies or dogs. I was just making a point.

Don’t Remember Her Name in the Morning We all know about that awkward situation when we wake up in the morning and there’s a “stranger” next to us. Alright fine, maybe you don’t all know about it. Honestly, I once had a girl not remember my name in the morning so I’ve seen both sides of the coin. You should always remember her name, but if you find yourself forgetting things she’s told you and not really caring, it’s a sign she’s not the one.

Like the Way Her Name Sounds After Yours We’ve all definitely done that thing where you meet someone and immediately say her first name and your last name together to see “how it sounds”. That’s a sign you can see yourself with her. What’s just as important as picturing a future together is if you do remember all the little things she tells you. If you do remember her first, last and middle name as well as her favorite cereal or some silly story she tells, then your feelings are more genuine.

Freak in the Street, Freak in the Sheets Probably the best part about a spring fling is that they’re someone that really turns you on physically. Keep in mind though, if that’s really the most important reason you’re into her, it probably won’t last.

Lady in the Street, Freak in the Sheets I realize I’m stealing cheesy rap lyrics, but a girl who’s marriage material should also turn you on physically just as much as any spring fling. Actually, I think it’s cool if she’s freaky all the time as long as you love her for other reasons as well. I just wanted to use the cheesy rap lyric.

Gets Drunk With You at the Office Holiday Party Again, if the basis of your relationship is getting drunk, partying and hooking up, it’s probably not going to be the healthiest long term partnership. However, that’s ok as long as you are aware of it and don’t expect it to be something more. I want everyone to realize that spring flings are fun and ok. We’re all going to have a lot more spring flings than marriages, hopefully at least, and the only way you’ll ever know if someone is worth more than a fling is if you’ve learned from all your past flings. So everyone go out and party. Have a shot for me.

Makes You Look Good While You Get Really Drunk at the Office Holiday Party The person you marry should be the one holding you up as your body expels all of the excess alcohol you have drunk, metaphorically I mean. Marriage material puts you first and you are willing to do the same for her, and this becomes most clear in more extreme situations. She should also really always make you look better than you are, which for me is actually pretty easy. Seriously though, you should want to bring her places to dazzle your friends and colleagues with her charm and leave them wondering: “how did he get her?”

Doesn’t Look So Good in the Morning If you often feel regret when you’re with her, it’s a bad sign. If you sometimes feel like you shouldn’t have said some of the things you said because they don’t feel completely true now, than you’re probably not in love. If you want her to leave in the morning or if you want to leave her place and don’t mind doing the walk of shame, these are all signs that point to this being a spring fling.

Think She’d Still Look Good to You Old and Wrinkly If you can picture yourself still being into this person after she’s had a bunch of kids, failed at the Atkins diet, and now looks like her mom did when you first met her and checked out her mom to see how she’d look in the future, then she’s a keeper. Most importantly, if you truly just like being with her and talking to her and doing things with her and consider her your best friend, she’s marriage material.

Can’t Live With I think the thing that really makes someone just a spring fling is that you simply get tired of her or you know you’re going to get tired of her. If it annoys you when she bites her nails or calls you during sports or waxes her mustache (just kidding) then you know you’re not going to be able to live with her forever.

Can’t Live Without The girl you can’t live without does all the same dumb little things as the girl you live with but for some reason when she does them they don’t bother you. And in fact, you like them. If you miss her when she’s gone even for a few minutes and you feel like you truly need her in your life, then she’s the one. I just want everyone to know that I’m going to go watch football and lift weights now to make up for the fact that this article got way too feminine at the end.

— Romeo Raj