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The Hook Up: How to Impress His Friends

Your boyfriend’s friends can make or break your relationship. They can encourage picking up the big-chested, scantily clad brunette at the bar, or prevent him from letting the beer goggles get the best of him. The goal for any woman is to turn her boyfriend’s “Wingman” into his “Best-Man” at her Mandap. So this month I’m going to give you ten tips on getting in good with the boys.

DO THROW PARTIES. Not only do guys like girls who are fun and party, they like girls that throw good parties. Now this simply entails all of your friends from 1 and 2 above, any additional new hot friends, your boyfriend and his boys, and several important historical figures, Jack Daniels, Johnny Walker, Jim Beam, and Samuel Adams. You can get bonus points if you scramble up some food for them to eat after they eat your special brownies.

Don’t be Martha Stewart. If most of your boyfriend’s friends sip martinis with umbrellas in it, you may want to question your lover’s interest in you. There is no need for intense party planning that could simply stress everyone out. Further, the best parties are spontaneous, so just keep a bottle of Grey Goose in your freezer, and let the good times roll.

DO BE FRIENDLY. You need to always be laid back, fun and approachable. Your boyfriend’s friends shouldn’t have to put up with you, they ought to want to talk to you, chill with you and feel at home with you around. Many of the above things can help achieve this. As long as your leave your dirty laundry at the door, and always have a smile, they should find you to be pleasant and friendly.

Don’t be flirty. Take it from me, there is a fine line between friendly and flirty. Actions speak louder than words, so you have to be extremely asexual around your man’s friends. That means no touching of the stomach, biceps or sensual hugs. If they feel like you are hitting on them, the awkwardness will have them running for the hills.

DO BUY A ROUND OF DRINKS. Pay attention to what this friends are drinking, and when its time for the next pitcher, you bring it over. You can’t realistically expect them to always pay. His friends shouldn’t have to look at you as another obligatory expense, they should see you as an asset. “Not only is Kama Pundit mad cool and ridiculously good looking, but she bought us a pitcher of beer and brought it to the table. Man, you’re lucky.”

Don’t buy a martini while all they guys drink beer and shoot darts. 7 Millers- cool, 6 buds and 1 appletini – not cool.

DO WATCH SPORTS. Guys love when you are willing to chill out, grab a beer and root for the home team. His friends will be super impressed if you learn a few key players’ names on your man’s favorite team. And if you really hate football and refuse to care, at least let him spend his Sundays with people who do. And trust me, they will appreciate you for the Neanderthal bonding experience.

Don’t pretend to be interested when you are not. Unlike other areas, if you fake it here, they will know.

Don’t play sports with them, unless you are damn sure your skills are as tight as theirs.

DO HAVE HOT FRIENDS. When you first start a relationship, most of your boyfriend’s friends won’t want you to hang out with them. So to motivate his friends to invite you out to party, you need to have really hot friends. They have to be so good looking that your boyfriend’s friends get nervous to even approach them. This way, they have to get to know you and be extremely nice to get the info on how to approach your girls. These girls not only have to be hot, but they have to be extremely fun, sweet and drama free. Make sure that by the end of the night, his friends are laughing with the lovely ladies. This is a two front win, not only do the friends love to hang out with you and your crew, but you prevent your boy toy from finding other playmates. By providing his friends with indo-candy, you can keep your eye on your prize.

Don’t worry if your hot friends have boyfriends, it’s never stopped a guy from hollering before.

Don’t make friends with girls just because they’re hot. Make sure these girls are your real friends or they may just interfere with you and your man.

DO BE HIS HEIDI FLEIS. So your hot friends will get you in the door, but they can’t keep you there forever. Now it’s your time to put in some work. You need to hook your baby boy’s friends up with some single hotties, quick. I’m sure most of my female readers would agree that we would rather watch Desi guys spit out a wad of Paan Parag then spit a word of ‘game’. Luckily, our womanly matchmaking capabilities will overshadow their inabilities, and we can be their ticket to finally landing a beauty. So if you don’t know any hot single friends looking for a guy, find some. Do whatever it takes to find him a decent girl, and you can bond with him while you prep him for the date or when you analyze how it went after.

Don’t try too many times. You need to try once at the beginning of the relationship to create a bond with his friends and to show you care. After the first pick, the second match is extremely important. Two bad attempts at hooking a guy up and you have lost your credibility and your privileges to chill with the boys. Remember ladies, try to make sure that the girls you hook them up with are NOT your close friends, or his friends will never let you get back in.

Don’t over-hype your friends. If his friend asks you if she’s hot and you have seen better looking barnyard animals, don’t lie. Just say “she’s nice,” everyone knows what that means. This way he has been fairly warned.

DO REALIZE THAT YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THE GUYS. Even if you used to play with his boys, once your man has gotten ‘in,’ you officially become kicked ‘out’ of the circle of trust. His friends no longer feel free to say certain disrespectful things in front of you. Further, they are scared that you will have a girlfriend bonding experience with the women they date, and will conspire against them. For whatever their personal reasons, the bottom line is they don’t want you invading on their boy time. The best thing to do is encourage boy time. At the end of the night, you can feel free to mandate a reward for your good deeds.

Don’t tag along. It is NOT ok to go to the same place your boyfriend goes for guy’s night. Stalking is not healthy, and you may want to seek professional attention for any such actions.

Don’t be rigid with schedules. If your boyfriend promises to watch Will and Grace with you, and his boys surprise him with tickets to the Stones, don’t be dramatic. Some of the most memorable moments are spontaneous. Let him enjoy it so that when your girlfriends have backstage passes to the Rishi Rich concert, you can feel free to party with the Beautiful Brit.

DO LIMIT YOUR CALLS, ESPECIALLY ON GUY’S NIGHT. The only thing more annoying then getting a million calls when you are out with your friends is having to endure the cheesiness without getting to play with the late night lingerie. Have some pity on his friends, and save the sensual words or nasty screams for another time. In the long run, they will compare all their girlfriends to you, their dream girl.

Don’t call without a purpose. Unless you are offering to be DD at the end of the night, you really shouldn’t call. If you absolutely have to, keep it under two minutes. Efficiency is the key. Just calling to say “I love you” signals flashing lights to his friends to save him from your ring-chasing ways.

Don’t be Bollywood. Let’s face it, neither you nor I look like Aishwarya Rai, so we can’t nag him for all his flaws and expect him to do everything an actor would do. We should be thankful if they know any Hindi at all. We can’t expect the romantic ghazals, dance filled courting rituals, or arduous labor to afford a beautiful dress for the big Mela. It’s abusive to always focus on his flaws or inabilities, and his friends, more than anyone else, will hate to see or hear about it. So treat him well, and be appreciative of what he provides, and his friends will be able to deal with everything else.

DO BE PLEASED WITH WHAT HE DOES AND SAYS. I’m not saying you ought to brag about the fact that your love picked up his shoes and finally put them in the closet, I’m saying you need to appreciate the small acts of kindness that he does to show you care. If you appreciate him, and he feels satisfied with the relationship, his content feelings with become apparent to the bros. – KAMA PANDIT

3 thoughts on “The Hook Up: How to Impress His Friends

  1. I refuse to ‘like’ something that I cannot see from my iPod touch; please deal with this issue, thank you

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