Writing articles in online women’s magazines about dating is all fun and games until the day your mom discovers how to google you. Then one day you get a painful phone call that starts: Romy, we need to talk. What is this crazy mumbo-jumbo on the internet you are writing about. You aren’t allowed to date yet!
I’m exaggerating of course, but before I write this month’s article about why girls like bad boys, I thought it would be especially important to point out that this column is not meant to be autobiographical. Some of the things I say may be very, very loosely based on my own life, but for the most part I am doing my best to represent the voice of all men. It can be tough sometimes though, since all men really want is sex and beer – but that would be a shorter and less interesting column.
We all know that women love bad boys. I’ve tried to be nice to girls beforeâ€¦wellâ€¦I’ve actually tried only once – in kindergarten. I tried so hard to be nice to this girl I liked, and she ended up eating my Oreos, using all my finger-paint, and then running off with the kid that just kept eating his paste. It hit me then that women will never be able to resist bad boys and here are some reasons whyâ€¦
Women love a challenge. All women want what they can’t have, and more importantly what their friends can’t have. Sometimes that’s a Coach bag or a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes. (Chick brand names inserted by editor). And sometimes, it’s the guy that no one can get because he will seemingly never settle down. It’s a status symbol to get that guy, just like it is to get that purse. Women don’t want the guy that grovels at their feet and caters to their every whim – even if they say they do. They don’t want the guy that’s easy to get or quickly whipped. They want to play games. They love games and won’t stop playing them. Ever!
Women love drama. Any woman would rather watch Desperate Housewives than This Old House, because the former has drama and the latter just has an old guy fixing up a house without any drama. Women want to chase after bad boys because that pursuit creates endless amounts of drama they can discuss with their friends. Women love drama so much that they often create it without even realizing it. Take this recent conversation I had:
Me: You look nice today
Former Girlfriend: Thanksâ€¦Waitâ€¦Are you trying to say I didn’t look nice yesterday? Do you think I’m fat? (sobbing uncontrollably) I hate you!
Me: Sorry, Do you want my Oreos?
Good boys are boring. I did a little research to find out what a typical bad boy and a typical good boy would each do with a girl on a typical date. I won’t tell you which is which, so you can all decide which date you’d rather go on. Person A brought his date a pocket protector, took her to the library where they studied some calculus, and then followed that up with a rousing evening of watching paint dry. Person B showed up on a Harley, took her for a ride to the beach where they had a crazy drunken bonfire/party/rock concert, and then topped it off by getting matching tattoos. Other than the occasional math teacher reading this, I’m pretty sure we all know why bad boys are a little more fun.
Women want to piss off their father. This is just a theory I have. Women like to date bad boys because it will make their father mad. This is why I will only have sons.
Good boys fall in the friend zone. Every guy knows that one horrible phrase that we hate hearing from a girl: I’m pregnant. Then there’s that other phrase that’s slightly less dramatic but actually almost as horrible: I just want to be friends. Girls don’t like good guys because they are seen as friends with no sex appeal, but they see bad guys as sexual beings. Girls want to be with guys who they see in a sexual light, then when those guys hurt them, they want to run home to their good guy friends and complain about it. Then the good guy sits there the whole time wondering why she doesn’t just be with him. Well, if you would just be more of a jerk, she would.
Women think they can change men. Remember that movie from the 80’s where the dorky guy paid the really cool girl to act like his girlfriend and change him into a cool guy? I don’t really remember what happens, but in real life that girl would have a better chance of solving 100 rubik’s cubes than actually changing the guy into what she wants. Nevertheless, women like bad boys because they believe they can change a guy into their ideal boyfriend, the same way they believe that 20 minutes is all they need to get ready in a time crunch. Both are equally impossible tasks, but we love them for trying.
So ladies, now that I’ve explained why you will always be hopelessly chasing after bad boys who will inevitably cause you repeated heartbreaks – it is time for me to leave you with some advice. And that advice is to give nice guys a chance. Just kidding. Just keep doing what you’ve been doing because I like the way things are. You’ll probably be better off if you approach dating a stereotypical bad boy with the knowledge that you won’t be able to change him much, and only put in the time if you really believe he’s worth it. Lastly, always remember to twist off the top of the Oreo and lick the crÃ¨me from the inside. It’s much sexier than just biting the cookie whole. – ROMEO RAJ