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The Hook Up Black List: Desi Girls Not To Date

My true opinion is that there are really no types of girls to stay away from, except for the ones that aren’t interested in you. There are definitely many types of girls that are wrong for us, but I’d rather have fun with all the wrong ones while I’m waiting for the right one to come along. But to save you all some grief, I’ve listed here 6 types of girls that can be dangerous.

I’m sure girls will read this and freak out when they feel like they fit into one or maybe two or maybe even all six of these categories. Keep in mind these are complete exaggerations, no one is exactly like anyone of these, and many people may have a trait from several of the categories. But don’t worry, like I said, I can’t actually make myself stay away from any of you.

1. The Princess

Drives: Daddy’s Mercedes
Wears: An outfit that costs more than my whole wardrobe
Likes: Gucci, Prada, Coach, Manolo Blahnik
Dislikes: Any dinner I can actually afford to take her to

We all know the type of high-maintenance, spoiled Indian girl who has gotten everything she wants her whole life and expects you to continue to support her rock star lifestyle, even if it means selling your own blood to pay for her Louis Vuitton doggie bag. This girl takes years of wining and dining to win over and no matter what you do, you’ll probably never actually please her. If you make plans for a 7 pm dinner with her, be sure to call her around 4 and tell her to start getting ready and then call the restaurant and delay the reservation until 8. Actually, she’ll probably realize that she needs a new pair of shoes at the last minute and you’ll have to call it off anyway. I actually love princesses.

2. The FOB

Wishes she was driven in: A rikshaw or TATA SUV by her servant Juginder
Wears: Bhindis with everything
Eats: A lot of paneer
Likes: Dancing in the rain and singing in a field of wildflowers
Dislikes: Movies under 3 hours

The term FOB literally means Fresh Off the Boat. I am not referring here to girls that literally have come to this country recently by boat or any other means of transportation. I am simply using the term to describe a very traditional, very Indian girl. I love everything about Indian culture, but these girls usually clash with me because of my meat-eating, football-watching, flirting-with-non-Indian-girls, hip hop lifestyle. They are waiting for Hrithik Roshan to come sweep them off their feet and take them to the Swiss Alps to serenade them. They meet me and try to turn me into a vegetarian and get me to speak Hindi. If Aishwarya Rai is reading this, I was just kidding about everything I just said and am actually eating a bowl of phau bhaji and reading Valmiki’s original Ramayana in Sanskrit right now. Call me.

3. The Coconut

Appearance on the outside: Indian
Acts on the inside: White
Likes: Eating breakfast before she brushes her teeth and other things white people do
Dislikes: going to temple, eating things with chutney, Indian guys

This girl is the opposite of the FOB. She was probably raised where there weren’t a lot of other Indian people and always thought being Indian wasn’t cool. Now I realize that I am not Mr. India myself or anything, but I embrace Indian culture a good deal while these girls seem to completely rebel against it. My main issue with these girls is that I have encountered several really hot ones who say, “I’ill never date an Indian guy.” What the hell is that? You can’t just rule out a whole race of people, especially your own. They have these ridiculous narrow-minded stereotypes about Indian guys when they’ve never actually gotten to know one. It makes me want to make coconut juice.

4. The Wife

Drives: Your car
Wears: Your clothes because she tries to move in after hooking up with you once
Likes: Telling you what to do
Dislikes: Being single

This girl is the serial girlfriend. She tries to start a serious relationship with every guy that looks at her. She can only be alone for a few seconds at a time and usually she’s looking at a picture of you during that time. The warning signs are pretty clear; such as on your first date asking you how many kids you want to have or saying your last name after her first name just to “see how it sounds.” If the second date involves meeting her parents, run for your life.

The real problem with these girls, though, is that they get very bossy very fast. Suddenly, they are running your life, telling you what to wear, where to go and limiting your important Sunday afternoon meetings with your friends with whom you engage in intelligent conversation about football and beer. If you break up with them, they may turn psycho; but don’t worry, it will only be a few hours before they find their next victim…I mean, boyfriend.

5. The Social Climber

Drives: Her last boyfriend’s car which she kept after trading him in
Wears: Expensive gifts in exchange for her company
Looks: Good on your arm
Likes: Being the best-looking person in the room
Dislikes: Everyone else because she thinks she’s too good for ’em

This girl is particularly dangerous. She’s basically the most-popular-girl in-school, prom queen type who thinks she’s too good and too hot for everyone else. She feels good by making other people feel bad, especially guys she uses along the way. Unfortunately, she usually appears super hot and since everyone wants her, she gets whoever and whatever she wants. Usually, when you try to talk to this girl, she shows no interest until you slip in the fact that you’re a surgeon or investment banker. She then dates you long enough to get some expensive gifts and meet your richer, better looking friend who she preys on next. Like the princess, she’ll cost you a lot; her true evil is that she’s only interested in herself in the end. Eventually, she’ll realize there’s no one she believes is good enough for her and be forced to live alone with a lot of cats.

6. The She-Player

Drives: Men crazy
Wears: Less clothing than would fully cover one of my arms
Likes: Sex
Dislikes: Commitment

Believe it or not, there are a lot of female players out there. Many call them sluts, but in today’s contemporary, Sex and the City influenced culture, its ok for these “serial daters” to have their fun. Personally, I love girls like this. Actually, I love all girls, but the key with dealing with these girls is knowing what you’re getting into before you get attached. I believe a lot of girls who date multiple guys for short periods of time are doing so because they recently had a bad relationship, so they don’t want to get involved again or trust someone too much. If you date one, you may be nothing but a rebound. Just beware, they like to party so they may leave you with something more serious than just a broken heart. If it burns when you pee, call a doctor. – ROMEO RAJ

6 thoughts on “The Hook Up Black List: Desi Girls Not To Date

  1. Thank you for your great article. I also must say that your layout is a pleasure to view. Keep up the good work.

  2. Hey everyone, greetings from Denmark. I’m wondering if you have any advice about staying out of the “Friend Zone” with women? Honestly I’m sick of girls telling me they “just want to be friends.”

  3. Interesting and full of  It does seem the ‘Indian’ culture has more in common with white america than they realize.  The whole marrying within your culture priority or get disowned thingy is typical 1950’s and 60’s white mindset. 

    Honestly, my advice to Indians is stay with your own kind and leave the rest of us heathens to our demise

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