Ive had to leave me famil and friends, my job, my home, and uproot to a new life to fit into someone elses routine.

It was horrible. Trying to please everyone, trying to do a full time job and then coming home and not stopping. The other daughter in law had a child to whom i became a seconf mother to. I loved the child, but she was not mine. I had no rest, and then ofcourse, the constant permission seeking for everything! going to my parents was a military operation!

But the thing that annoyed me the most was that my inlaws allowed their children, including my husband, to be modern and western, but the daughter in laws to abide by every cultural tradition that existed. But when it came to shopping and paying bills, i was expected to spend my money on them, this is not traditional.

My mother in law would change traditional rules when it suited her and even create new ones all by herself!

My husband bought us a house, we moved in, but only slept there, he’s fallen on hard financial times so i have had to manage all the costs of running the house to which i only ever slept in. My day would begin with popping to the in laws before i went to work, and then straight to thiers after work, after the day was over i was allowed to got to my house, sometimes this could be at midnight on the longer days. I would do my chores at this point, and i would be shattered by the time i closed my eyes.

My husband never spoke on my behalf because he wasnt traditional and couldnt understand what all the fuss was about, he would tell me to just stop going round thiers.. like it was that easy!

His parents would leave him out of all matters concerning me and my marriage, they would go straight to my parents if they had any problems with me… its been 3yrs now, and finally i’ve had enough.

I’ve told my husband that i want nothing more to do with them, i would never stop him from having a relationship with his family, but i no longer wanted any part of it. i havent spoken to them or seen them in 3 wks, i dont know what the futur holds for me… i am afraid of the emptiness of being alone as i have always had family around me.. but i was about to have a nervous breakdown… im sure they will try and make amends at some point.. especially when i start having a family… they love thier own blood more than i have seen any parents do… my husband has never been punished for all the wrongs he has done cus they love him too much to punish..

My mother in law married and came to the UK without doing her time as a daughter in law.. so i guess they know not what they do…

The daughter in-law goes to work and keeps her money. As she is not fincially responsible for anything she has the least interest in making sure that she cleans the house which is paid for by the in-laws. She cooks the food bought by the in-laws.

People forget that you only look after the things that you own and why look after the things that has been paid for by the in-laws. The vicitims here sometimes are the parents in-law and the younger sister/brother in-law as most of the time the daughter in-law especially from in India are liers. British daughter in-laws can be better and can successfully live with the in-laws.

Regards

Patel

It’s an arcane and old way to live and disadvantages the girl to move in with your in-laws. As one person has mentioned in the comments here that these are the traditional ways that have ensured close family bonds, clearly isn’t aware of the large number of women throughout history who have wanted to take their lives because they lost their personalities, who they were and were almost slaves to their in-laws.

A balance needs to be drawn, but I am fully aware of the “guest” syndrome parents palce on their daughters in thier own homes. Their parents expressing that they are their keepers until the parents-in-lawm their ‘real’ parents take over. But when you reach your in-laws, you are not their daughter either. It awful, degrading and you feel sub-human that your own parents cannot take you as their full complete daughter.

Let’s hope things are on the change, with close family bonds without expectations from the daughter-in-laws.

In this day and age, strong family and traditional bonds are slipping away, and we all want to become more western. Is that a good thing? Not necessarily.
I see all the time desi parents living alone, with their kids married living abroad, or other cities. Quite frankly, it seems very sad to me. Yes, there are some in-laws (especially) moms who are too noisy and really cause problems, and guys should be smart enough to understand this, and make sure they parents and couple aren’t under the same roof. And girls when dating a guy should also get an idea of how a guy’s family background is. If they are back-ward thinking, non-educated, and too conservative, chances are it will be a dull-boring marriage. Sorry no offense, it’s the true. Again, find a balance.

Married girls obviously want their space, freedom, and quality time w/ their husbands. And, I am sure once I get married, I will want the same w/ my wife. Sharing a house with in laws may be bit too much for most girls, but, I would think most desi girls wouldn’t have issues living close to their in-laws, which seems like an acceptable medium.